Has life knocked you down, or brought you to your knees?

It has for me. And this is what became my doorway for spiritual awakening.

It started when I was a young teenager. I felt like some kind of alien on a strange planet, so much so that for a while I wanted to end my life.

When I found the spiritual path (or it found me), I was already ready to lose it all, and die to the truth.

But life wasn't done with me. It continued when through several smaller life-knocks, until the big one...

When I met my beloved husband Robert Hanuman, I felt I had finally met someone from the same planet as me. We were such a strong reflection for each other. And having a child together felt so natural and easy.

Then when he suddenly died in my arms in India, leaving me alone with our darling 2 year old son, life really knocked me down hard...

I was destroyed. There is no other way to say this.

If it wasn't for our son, I may well have joined my beloved.

But somehow, along with the utter agony and hell, I could also see that this is life's gift. It is a gift to be brought to my knees. It is a gift to lose everything I thought I had. It is a gift to be so humbled, that it breaks you open.

Even if life smacks you down and pulls the rug out from under your feet, and you have no choice but to feel the awful pain of loss or massive change... Even if you feel so lost and disorientated, not knowing who you are now, or what the point of anything is anymore...

This is still a gift from life to crack you open even more than you thought was even possible to crack... It forces you to be real. To truly see the value in life. It gives you no choice but to be authentic and to open your heart - all the qualities that we try to attain on the spiritual path. Of course it is an extremely messy journey. You don't get away with just looking or feeling good, or dancing on the surface with beautiful spiritual concepts.

It is the raw, real deal, whether you wanted it or not.